S was a troubled soul. He was a wayward wanderer. He had had, and lost, a home. He was married, and divorced. He had two step-children. One moved away as a teenager. The other committed suicide. S started drinking at age 15 and never stopped. Drugs were an intermittent habit. No matter the frequency of addictive substances, it is what took S's life.
S spent his last years roaming aimlessly, to a certain degree. He lived his life as a homeless person, spending time in parks and by rivers. He was in and out of rehab. He had burned most bridges. Yet, he had a good heart. He had a gentle soul. He cared about others and was always routing for the underdog. No wonder, he was looking forward to a new nephew. He, and I, knew Josiah would hold a special place in S's heart.
Five weeks before Josiah was born, S died unexpectedly. It was sad, yet a relief. It was tragic, yet a better outcome than some alternatives. He died instantly and didn't suffer. He was with friends, and not alone. It was ok because it had to be.
Josiah was born and ultimately diagnosed with congenital heart defects and pulmonary hypertension. Josiah was three months old. I decided that S must have been taken to be Josiah's guardian angel. The thought conforted me, if nothing else.
Recently, I had an unusal experience in which I believe I was contacted by S. He told me he loved me. He told me he missed me. Then, he told me he comes to rock Josiah. Josiah knows when he is there.
As a general skeptic, I was leary of the message. Yet, there were other hints given that could only have come from him. I don't claim to understand. I don't buy anything hook, line, and sinker; I close my mind to nothing. I don't know if it's faith, open mindnessness, or wishful thinking. Whatever it is, I'll take it.
Josiah is visited by S. S rocks him. They enjoy their moments together. I'm ok with that.
In loving memory of S - thank you for spending time with my son <3